A Letter To My Dead Father

Thought Catalog


Hi Dad,

Today, I thought about your laugh and came to the horrifying realization that I can’t remember what it sounds like. I just don’t remember. I felt paralyzed with this shame and disbelief, as if I couldn’t recognize my own face.

I closed my eyes, tried to quiet the rest of the world. I took a deep breath. I saw your smile. The gap in between your two front teeth, just like mine. The reason I won’t allow the cosmetic surgeon to touch it. This imperfection in my smile that reminds me of you. But I couldn’t hear your laugh. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t hear it, Dad. I tried, I really did. I feel like it’s not so much to ask that I just hear it once more. Just once.

That’s the funny thing about death: just how alive it really is. The way it…

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