Lost

So I’m here in the midst of having my A Levels, and feeling so done and lost and unmotivated and angry at life. The past few papers were probably the worse I ever did, idk why I just feel like I didn’t perform to the best of my ability and I don’t know what is stopping me, because honestly I felt like I did study and work hard the past month?? I went back to school, I did prelim papers, I stayed up at night, idk what went wrong. During the papers, I just couldn’t do it, I just couldn’t figure out the method, even if they were staring in my face. I hate this. And the worse thing is if it wasn’t even meant to be a hard paper. I fucking hate myself. The only reason why I think I’m so distracted could be I’m losing steam, since day 1, I started to not bother, despite working so hard the past month. Fuck me man honestly. I started watching YouTube, watching variety shows more than ever, and i get distracted. Now I can’t stop thinking about how I might end up with Ds and maybe not even Cs for chem and math. LOL, why do I never learn my lesson. Told myself I would aim high for paper 2, and realise I might just end up getting fked with a D. Idk man, I’m so sick of this already, I have econs tmr which is supposedly my best subject, but I can’t focus, I don’t want to. Sucks I don’t even know what I’m doing with life already.

pls xs pls, get your shit together already. I know you have screwd up math and chem, esp math even though u did so many fucking papers, and u may feel that’s unfair. but I’m sure bellcurve may be able to push you up hopefully? maybe to a C for both chem and math? idk but what’s done is done. chem practical may have been the worst ever, but you have two subjects left. econs and geog. You won’t want to screw econs trust me you will regret it. You have googled, even if u do get 2 Cs, an A for econs and geog could still bring you to SMU courses and some nus or ntu courses and that’s good enough. stop hating on yourself it’s not going to be good for you in any way. okay now start studying for Econs, ace it and geog, and hopefully if GP is fine w a B, you will be ok. 🙂🙂🙂

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Depressed 

I never exactly knew how feeling lost and worthless and basically depressed, all negative thoughts in one single night. 

That feeling of insecurity that is shadowed upon you when you walk through pretty people and a bunch of seemingly perfect and pretty people but there is you who is so insecure and not reaching the “pretty” benchmark. You are just normal, ok, just you. I hate this feeling and everytike I tell myself to ignore it, the feeling almost comes back immediately. 

Also, I blame myself for being stupid and naive, thinking I was capable of achieving more when the truth was I couldn’t. I pushed myself. But the only result was nothing but suffering, and more things to hate myself for. Not only am I affected, I am being an extra burden to my family, maybe the only people who actually care for me and love me for who I am, or I hope they do I suppose they do. Only can pray that things will get better from here especially my leg.

Ariel LustreStrength is found in many places. You can find it reading books that inspire you, that light a fire in your belly and push you to stand, to fight, to speak your mind. You can find it in faith, learning to lean on a figure more forceful than yourself who teaches you the worth…

via You Are Strong As You Tell Yourself To Be — Thought Catalog

Melancholy

Hi everyone it’s been so long since i blogged. The past four months of 2017 has been nothing but a rollercoaster of events, filled with ups and downs but i would say maybe more downs then ups? but nevertheless, we have all made it through the difficult phases the past few months and we can only become stronger than before am i right?

At the start of the year, specifically, 25th Jan i fell down in school and fractured my feet. What was thought initially as a sprain turned out to be a hairline fracture. It was one of the most painful and mentally, physically, emotionally draining experience i had and i know i should count myself lucky that the condition was not serious and i have it better than many other people but still, at that point in time, the only thing i could think of was “why me?” “why did i choose to go for pe that day when i knew my leg was already injured?” 😦 sometimes i questions the choices i make in life man. If only i didnt exert my leg i would be able to train with the rest, go for trainings, play for a division, get to experience what i have been looking forward to since j1. this sucks. after 2 months or so i am almost completely okay already and im really thankful. really glad to have my buddy and my family and friends who took the effort to care and show their concern during this period of time. There were many times where i felt lonely and frustrated too but i guess it became better because  of the people who cared, especially my family really.

School hasnt been the best. It was getting back the past week but my fucking asshole chem tutor had to screw it up for me by embarrassing me in front of the whole class. I swear. It isnt even the first time anymore like sure i know it was my fault i did not study but that does not give you the rights to slash me with such harsh words especially in front of the whole class. Like what kind of fucking tutor are you when you didnt show a least bit of concern when i fractured my leg. I hate the whole world man really fucking done. The next time he does this i am seriously going to rebut back and not let him put me down like this. Fucking unfair. Stupid piece of shit man.

So because i cant play for matches, i became the umpire/ linesmen and am still part of the team. Really grateful for this fact so. Was really interesting and exciting watching them play and honestly, i feel like tennis people are one of the blessings in disguise in mj. They are fun and kind and easy going and everyone in here is literally so easy to talk to and i feel so much more comfortable being around them than my classmates. We lost against AC and DHS so far but i guess its the experience that counts? and they put up a good fight so wuhu.

Lastly, because my leg was injured, the only thing i could basically do is study. so i tried putting more effort into studying and improving my grades but to no avail lmao.

i got an e for gp despite getting highest in class for compre, u for chem and math, s for geog and d for econs. felt super dejected for math because i did study for it idk maybe it has something to do with the way i study that is making me not getting good grades. pretty satisfied with geog because except one person the whole class got u. and econs is like hm okay. expected higher because i studied but then again not everyone did well so. gotta buck up for my chem and math lah i know. shall prove peter wrong man and shove it in his face. DIE BITCH DIE. ZZZZZZZ.

so overall, results are bad but they werent the worse i expected? u got this xs keep pushing yourself you are doing fine ok.

Wimbly Lu Chocolates Cafe!

One of the most famous cafes in Singapore and here it issss! Was really excited to try out their waffles which is known for being affordable and absolutely drool worthy.
 
I ordered a Carbonara Pasta and the serving is much bigger than other cafes that I have been to so that’s a plus! And the creamy sauce is really good.

   

 

    
Next up, we also ordered a cake called Blackout Chocolate cake HAHAHA. As the name suggests, it was really chocolate overload. Three layers of chocolate with chocolate drizzle around it. Mmmm YUM. The cake was soft and fluffy but after while you can get sick of the chocolate taste? But other than that it was great.

  
Lastly we ordered the famous Wimbly Lu Waaaffles!!! MY FAV. hehe. Let the pictures do the work.

   
 
The waffles was the best thing ever. Crunchy on the outside and soft on the inside. 10/10 would recommend 🙂

Overall, it was a great experience at this cafe. Do check it out if you are interested! They are located at 15-2 Jalan Riang which is walking distance away from Serangoon MRT.

Cheers 

Cheese Baked Penne Pasta 

  
First post for my new food blog shall be dedicated to the drooling Cheese Baked Penne Pasta. It’s something my brother and I decided to whip up at home spontaneously at home since we were both free 🙂

Ingredients:

  1. Penne pasta 
  2. Mozzarella Cheese 
  3. Broccoli 
  4. Sausage or ham or bacon 
  5. Mushrooms 
  6. Cherry tomatoes
  7. Tomato sauce for the base 

Feel free to diy and use your own ingredients for the fillings such as adding meatballs instead of sausage!

I baked it in the oven for approximately 20 minutes at 200 degrees. It was great watching those cheese meeeeelt!!!! 

Add more cheese on top of the pasta if you like it cheesier hoho.

Easy to make and tasty to eat. Love it 😊😊👍🏼

Cheers 

Furnishing a new food blog

I have been thinking what can I write about that will stand out from the many other amazing reads on WordPress. Especially when my vocabulary and fiction writing skills has a limit to it.

And so I have decided to write on something I LOVE. and probably what most people do too! 

FOOD BLOG. 

Sorry for not updating the past few months when i was busy mugging my way through examinations.

Follow my blog for more write ups about food outings and food I cooked at home.